... e-go or ego?

The hairlike hyphen between the letter “e” and the word “go” might leave a reader awe-struck when she/he feels to weed out the meaning. Let me unfold the signifier that I have coined today in my utterly pensive mood. My e-go, with unfurling the signifier that would become “electronic go” viz. browsing internet – is down a bit nowadays. I am savouring my habit of reading a lot these days. Quite away from facebook and not quite away from facebook friends, I am feeling the baking hot summer – the changelessness of the tormenting sun – the unchanged metaphor of the dun and dreary environs. I usually stay hidden in my private chamber, not that private that trespassers will be prosecuted, and think and brood over the nothingness of everything. I cast my glance heartily into the past. My shallow temperament, my broken relationship, my anxiety and acrophobia, my desire and desolation – all unalterable inevitabilities make me cower to my being and whittle down my devouring attitude that had once been the daily drug of my youth. I have discovered that my truths were my wrongs and some of my wrongs were deadly wrongs. The capacity of my brain can't hold scissored relationships any longer. Sitting back now I muse heartily over my melancholy and see a Kafka creating a himalayan surge within my soul. I am dreaming the fall of Everest and the rise of Thar and accompanying my soul with the heartbeats of the universe.

Here I accept the rejection of myself. Here I accept that there is no definitive difference between the rain of melody and the melody of rain. Here I settle the present in the past and feel the destructive ego of Philip Larkin that “Beyond all this, the wish to be alone”.

I haven't grokked the meaning of the word yet. Only my ego has found a dire state of privation of cultural habit that may not rise ever out of my e-go.