... e-go or ego?

The hairlike hyphen between the letter “e” and the word “go” might leave a reader awe-struck when she/he feels to weed out the meaning. Let me unfold the signifier that I have coined today in my utterly pensive mood. My e-go, with unfurling the signifier that would become “electronic go” viz. browsing internet – is down a bit nowadays. I am savouring my habit of reading a lot these days. Quite away from facebook and not quite away from facebook friends, I am feeling the baking hot summer – the changelessness of the tormenting sun – the unchanged metaphor of the dun and dreary environs. I usually stay hidden in my private chamber, not that private that trespassers will be prosecuted, and think and brood over the nothingness of everything. I cast my glance heartily into the past. My shallow temperament, my broken relationship, my anxiety and acrophobia, my desire and desolation – all unalterable inevitabilities make me cower to my being and whittle down my devouring attitude that had once been the daily drug of my youth. I have discovered that my truths were my wrongs and some of my wrongs were deadly wrongs. The capacity of my brain can't hold scissored relationships any longer. Sitting back now I muse heartily over my melancholy and see a Kafka creating a himalayan surge within my soul. I am dreaming the fall of Everest and the rise of Thar and accompanying my soul with the heartbeats of the universe.

Here I accept the rejection of myself. Here I accept that there is no definitive difference between the rain of melody and the melody of rain. Here I settle the present in the past and feel the destructive ego of Philip Larkin that “Beyond all this, the wish to be alone”.

I haven't grokked the meaning of the word yet. Only my ego has found a dire state of privation of cultural habit that may not rise ever out of my e-go.

4 comments:

Jyoti Mishra said...

I actually loved reading it... it was kind of thought provoking.

confusedyuppie said...

loved: 'there is no definitive difference between the rain of melody and the melody of rain'

4 those who care said...

a random thought is capable of making a good write-up. realized close,yet again, the truth behind this statement.
'all unalterable inevitabilities make me cower to my being and whittle down my devouring attitude that had once been the daily drug of my youth. I have discovered that my truths were my wrongs and some of my wrongs were deadly wrongs. ' **like**

4 those who care said...
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